Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Nintendo's Lack of imagination @ E3

Having watched the entirety of the Nintendo conference at E3 I have to say - I'm very underwhelmed.

Budding game designer: Hey wouldn't it be awesome if we released some new games, I've got this amazing idea for one where you role play an elephant who has to battle an army of crack addict mice!
*Nintendo exec lowers pistol*
Exec: Moar. Mario.

And more Zelda, Luigi, Pitt, Starfox, Mariokart.

I have an image of the Nintendo head office in my head: picture a long thin room with hundreds of desks, this is the "idea" room; where all the Nintendo game designers come to work their craft. Each designer sits at a desk with a single pad of paper (with the Nintendo logo at the top and a smiling - almost maniacally smiling - Mario face at the bottom) and a pencil. The walls are adorned with Mii characters, all smiling and saying phrases like "we value your creativity" and "hang in there baby!". The workers sit sullen faced and in silence, with their hands flat on the desk. Occasionally one will glance around and then return his eyes to the pad in front of him. When one designer picks up his pencil, the sound of the wood scraping against the desk is audible across the room - he immediately puts the pencil down and places his head in his hands, weeping.
At the front of the room is a wall with 3 slots in it and a big sign which says "IDEAS!" - under which the Mii character posters are almost life size and they are saying things such as "Oh! That's a brilliant one!" and "Wow - only you could think of that! Good job!". The slots are labelled as follows:

  • Zelda
  • Mario
  • Incinerator

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